Always said that not
Everyone has common sense,
And the Lord
Does not give everyone
Good common sense.
Some people make the same
Mistakes over and over
It is as if they
Enjoy making mistakes
Because they never
But that gets old
And it gets old very quickly,
Swiftly goes on
For each of us
We get too old to
Keep making the same
So, they continue to make
The same mistakes,
Gets very old,
In the end
We learn when it’s
Too late…some of us anyway.
Karen Schwartz was never a looker. She was always frumpy looking. She is five-foot-five in height. She has thick legs from going to the gym. She is as smart as a whip. Educated from an Ivy league school. Graduated magna cum laude. She was married years ago for a short period of time in her twenties. But ever since then she has played the field. She dated different men and had sex with them. But she never let anyone get close to her.
Now she is with another man. Her latest conquest. A man named Mitch Molansky. He is skinny with thinning hair. Dark brown eyes that look black. He has a short sharp pronounced nose. Thin lips. Thick black eyebrows. Small hands. Speaks with a soft voice.
They just went to dinner and are driving to his home. He likes looking at her legs. She has on a dress. She pulls it up for him. He smiles as he drives his sports car. She looks at him and suddenly she lets out a scream, “OH GOD!” as they are coming head on with another car. He looks and pulls his car to the right. They hit a tree. They both are unconscious. The driver of the other car, a lady, pulls out her cellphone and dials 911. The police and ambulance are there in about ten minutes.
She was unconscious all night but recovered the next morning. She inquired about Mitch. The nurse frowned and told her that he passed away. She was motionless and did not know what to say. The nurse let her be for a bit. Karen never cries over anyone but she was stunned about Mitch. She was released later that day and she went home. As she got herself together, she felt inside of her that something was weird. That something was not right. That something was amiss. She and her sister Mandy, were never close. And there is a ten-year age difference. But right now, she had to talk to someone. She looks at her clock to determine what time it is in Texas where her sister lives.
Mandy looks at her cell phone and cannot believe who it is. She sighs as she answers her phone and tries to be calm.
“Wow. What may I ask caused you to call me? What’s going on?”
“I uh needed to talk to you,” she says.
“What’s going on sis?” Mandy asks, as she sits on her futon and turns the television down.
“I’m okay. I was with someone last night. We uh got into a car accident. I’m okay but I found out that he did not make it. I can’t believe it.”
“But you’re all right and that is what is important. Are you home?” Mandy asks.
“Yes, I am home. I feel weird. I feel like something is not right. That something is amiss. It’s weird. I can’t explain it really.”
“Well sweetie you said that you were in a car accident so I am sure you are feeling a bit weird. I am sure that everything will be fine. Right?” Mandy asks.
“I don’t know. Is it hot there? It’s hot here and the sky is like red very red.”
“Yeah same here,” Mandy says. “They said it has something to do with the hot weather all over and some fire that started on the other side of the world. “So, this guy was he just you know another guy?”
“Yes, he was just another guy. Nothing serious,” Karen says. “Yeah, I know, I’m nothing but a slut that sleeps with different men. But I protect myself.”
“I didn’t say that. And I was not thinking that either. But we both know how you are. No offense to you but some people are just not cut out to being with one person and being true to that person. I thought and hoped that you would have grown out of that but so far you haven’t. To each his/her own. Are you all right?” Mandy asks.
“I’ll be all right. How is what’s his name?” Karen asks.
“Butch? Oh, he’s fine,” she says, looking at him as he finishes dressing. “He was just leaving.”
“Oh, I am sorry. Did I interrupt anything?” Karen asks, embarrassed.
“No, you didn’t. Bang fast and hard. Come fast then whimper,” Mandy says, whispering into the phone.
“Okay. Look. Look. I needed to talk to you and I needed to hear your voice. Thanks for being there. As you were,” she says, smiling.
“There is nothing there to be as we were. He is leaving as he always does after he is done and that’s okay with me. Are you going to be okay, sis?” Mandy worries.
“Yeah. Yeah. I’ll be fine. You uh take care of yourself. I’ll talk to you later.’
Karen hangs up the phone and gets the telephone directory. She has friends who are into the occult and believe in tarot cards and so-called readers. She finds the woman’s name that she knows of and looks up her address. She looks for her keys and heads out of the door and gets onto the elevator.
Karen gets out of her car after she finds the spiritualist’s address. She presses her alarm button and heads to the woman’s building. As she gets to the door, the door opens automatically. Karen walks inside and the door closes from behind her. Everything is entirely white. There are no prints or pictures on the wall. The lady is sitting behind gold drapes. She tells Karen to enter and she does so. The lady has on a black cape that covers her entire body. Her makeup is heavy but cannot hide her green eyes.
“Please, you sit. Please. Miss Karen,” she says.
“How---how did you know my name?” Karen asks.
“Unlike others who say they know things I do know things. You are troubled very troubled. Begin please.”
“I was in a car accident last night. He lost control as he was looking at me. I found out today in the hospital that he did not survive. I cannot believe it,” Karen says.
“Yes, these things happen unexpectedly. But what really troubles you and ails you? What is it? And why are you really here?” she asks, looking from behind her cape.
“I feel that something is wrong. Something is dreadfully wrong. I don’t feel well. I feel weird very weird,” Karen says.
“Sweetheart, you did just say that you were in a car accident so how would you expect to feel? I can imagine that your body has been through a lot both from the accident, and then from hearing that your boyfriend did not survive. I am sure that is quite traumatic.”
“He was not my boyfriend,” Karen corrects her.
“Yes, I know. You just date them. Screw them. And go on to the next one. It’s on your face. That’s too bad because you seem like a good person with a good heart. If you would only let someone inside maybe your life would be better. Maybe,” the lady says.
Karen is quiet as she looks around the room and at the walls.
“We all have a chance in life to make changes many changes. But when we are given the chance, we turn the other way. We look the other way. We refuse to accept it. And we refuse to make changes when we are given the chance. You know what is going on. And you know where you are. It takes time for people to accept where they are especially after something so traumatic as a car accident. There is no need to be afraid. This is real and it is as it is. And this is where you are. This is your life now. Don’t fight it because it won’t do you any good,” the lady says, as her incense fills the entire room.
Karen does not know what to say, as she gets up and reaches inside of her pocket and gives the woman a twenty-dollar bill.
“Eventually, what you are fighting you will come to accept. You will eventually accept the truth. You can run. You can seek answers. But you will find out what I told you. This is your new life. Be careful out there. When it hits you, then you will see. Then, you will get it.”
Karen stares at the woman then she looks at the blank walls.
“If you don’t mind me asking what is with the blank walls? I mean there is not one painting or framed art on the walls. Why is that?” Karen asks.
The lady presses a button and the door opens. Karen turns around and heads out of the door. She is determined to find out what is going on. She is not a religious person. It has been years since she has been to church but she has to have answers. And there is no better place than going to church to find answers. There is a catholic church that is nearby. She heads to her car and gets inside and drives to the catholic church.
Karen parks her car and heads up the stairs to the catholic church. Some people were in there but are heading for the exit. She looks around the massive sanctuary. The priest notices her and motions for her to come to the altar. She slowly heads to the altar and sits on the pew. The priest sits next to her. He studies her face that is tense and very sad. She appears as if she is on the brink of tears.
“You are troubled deeply troubled my child. What is it?” he asks, in his soft calming voice.
“I was in a car accident last night. I woke up this morning in the hospital. They said I am okay. But the guy who I was with did not make it.”
“Do you feel guilty from that? Who was driving?” he asks.
“He was. He was---he was looking at my legs. He liked looking at my legs so I pulled up my dress. A car came toward us. I screamed. He pulled the car to the right and we hit a tree.”
“And then you woke up in the hospital? I see. And is that what is troubling you, my child?’ he asks.
“No, it isn’t.”
“Then, what is it?” he asks.
“Something is weird but I don’t know what it is. I can’t put my finger on it,” she says.
“Sure, you do. It takes a while before we accept where we are and what happened. I mean what really happened.”
“What are you saying?” she inquires, as her face quivers and turns red.
“My child, we all had a chance to turn our lives around because you see, we never know when it will be our time. But you never did. You never turned your life around. And as for me, well sad to say, I got into trouble with little boys. It’s a sickness that many priests have. And your sickness I imagine is with men and sex.”
“Are you saying? Oh no. Oh no.”
“It’s okay. As I said it takes time for us to accept where we are,” he says.
“But I just talked to my sister and she is okay. There’s nothing wrong with her. What do you mean?” she asks, getting excited now.
The priest looks at her and stares into her eyes. She blinks her eyes and then she closes them tightly. Everything is dark now. Very dark. She is in the car with her male friend who is looking at her legs. She screams as the car is coming towards them, “Oh God!” He pulls to the right and hits a tree.
She opens her eyes to see where she is. She is at a cemetery. She is looking at her headstone. A fire is brewing. People are laughing and dancing naked. Embers fall from the sky. She looks around and notices many naked people dancing. Their faces are red and on fire. She shakes her head. She cannot be here not her. This has to be a mistake. She leans closer to the headstone. She died two years ago. She closes her eyes.
“You see now? This is where we all are for all eternity. It is our choice. We all have choices and we all have free will. I chose to be a priest but I got into trouble and---I could not take being defrocked. I killed myself. And you? What was your sin? Your sin was what? Go on now and tell me,” the priest says.
“I was with men a lot of the time. I had sex with many different men. It was always just casual sex. It’s who I am. There’s nothing wrong with that. Many people have casual sex with different people,” she says, ashamed.
“Exactly. Exactly. It’s who you are.”
“Oh my God. Oh my God,” she says, over and over. “Oh no.”
“Exactly. Oh my God. And although you are in denial about this, this is how it is now. This is where we are now for eternity. This is where we will spend our days and days and days and days.”
“But wait. Wait a minute. What are you saying?” She holds her head down and sobs as fire surrounds her body. She knows where she is though she is in denial and will never accept it.
“Sweetie. We all know what we did. We know what we did is wrong but we continued to do it anyway. We had our chances. The Lord always give us chances. But He also gives us free will as well. Even me. And what I did was wrong very wrong. But I continued to do what I knew was wrong. It was my choice. In the end we know that we have to pay for our sins. We all are aware of this and we know it. There’s no doubt about it.”
“But I don’t belong here. I know what I did but I didn’t mean to hurt anyone,” she sobs.
“Really? Really?” the priest asks over and over. “You did not mean to hurt anyone? Really?” he asks, looking at her face.
“Yes. I did not mean to hurt anyone,” she reiterates.
The priest continues to stare at her. She closes her eyes. She is with a man that she chased. They had a lot of fun. There were some feelings. In fact, there were a lot of feelings on both of their part. And this frightened her. This scared her. After a few months of being together she told him it was over just like that. She blinks her eyes and looks at the priest. She has tears in her eyes that are flowing down her face.
“I ask you again. You said that you did not mean to hurt anyone. Is this true?”
She does not have an answer to his question. He comforts her by holding her.
“It’s ok, my dear. We reap what we sow. And now here we will be for days and days.”
© 2020, 2021 Lloyd E. Scott
7/12/2020 8:13 p.m. & 7/26/20 7:01 p.m. (‘Days’)
Will catch up
With all of us
Because of What we did,
We have a chance
To make amends,
But many of us
Choose not to
Make changes and
Continue with our ways,
Then It is too late
And your time
Will have come
To pay the price.